Our Crazy Life

It's been so long since I've updated and there is so much to share that I don't know where to start! We have been certified foster parents for a few years but have only had short term placements. Three months ago, we got a call for a little baby that we picked up from the hospital! Little munchkin is adorable and we now have his older sister who is only a year old. To say life is crazy is an understatement! We now have four little ones that are 5 and under and I am exhausted. We don't know what the future holds for these little ones but God knows. It is long term though so we are looking at another 6 to 12 months from now that they will be with us. This has honestly been the toughest road ever, physically and emotionally. Sometimes I wonder how I get through each day. Foster care really isn't for everyone, but it is so needed. This life is so short and I want to look back and think that I made a difference somehow. To put others before myself and serve them with love, even when I don't want to. I really wish I knew what the future holds but right now it is just one day at a time!

The craziest of all is that after we picked up munchkin, I found out I was pregnant. :) Honestly, I wasn't thinking too far ahead because of all of my losses but here I am at 18 weeks and not one complication. Absolutely amazing. I feel like God has protected me and this baby so that we can care for these little ones. So hopefully sometime in May, we will have 5 little ones under our roof. So blown away that I have been entrusted these kids to care for. To think that just 5 or so years ago, I wasn't sure I would ever be a mom to a living baby. So if you pray, please pray for us! :)

Another in Heaven

I've been dreading writing this post. Shortly after my last post, we found out the baby died. The SCH was responsible and it is amazing to me that Eden made it and this baby didn't, even though it was so tiny this time. I bled again and went in for an ultrasound and the SCH was literally taking up my entire uterus. It was massive. It basically smashed the baby. I had to wait for weeks and finally miscarried at 13 weeks, with the baby having passed at 11.5 weeks. My OB actually made me go naturally and is was very traumatic. I won't give details but it was similar to labor and delivery, but not as intense, but still very painful. I passed clots larger than I thought possible. After hours of non-stop bleeding and clots, I started to black out and Rob had to call 911. During the ambulance ride my BP dropped even lower than it was and I could tell the EMT knew it was more severe than she thought and I heard her go tell the driver to upgrade me and get us there as fast as possible. The ER had blood waiting for me and we thought for sure that I would need a transfusion but I am so thankful that I didn't end up getting one. The ER experience was also horrible and the only bright spot was a sweet Christian nurse who told me she was praying for me. The recovery also has been slow and 7 weeks later, I am still spotting. I've been weak from low iron but mostly feel normal, but it does come and go. I would have been 20 weeks on Mother's Day. :(

We are also still doing foster care and are currently finishing up our home study for adoption. About a month ago we had a little 10 month old girl that was only temporary but we were asked if we would be willing to have her placed with us. We totally fell in love with her and she fit in our family so well. Then she wasn't placed with us as we thought she would be and we were heartbroken and she left after 2 weeks, so we were sad all over again. The foster care system can be so complicated sometimes.

So here we are, grieving, but so thankful for our little miracles. Sometimes I wonder how these kids even made it. Just praying for what the future of our family might look like and trusting that the Lord has it all worked out.

18 months...and some news!

I can't believe it has been 6 months since I posted but it's been busy around here. Eden is 18 months old and such a little lady. She is so adorable and has a ton of curly blond hair like her daddy! She is seriously so advanced and talks amazingly for her age. I seriously can't believe her vocabulary and her ped even mentioned how advanced she is. I just think that is so amazing, given that she was born 5 weeks early! Ben turned 4 in December and I can't believe how old he is getting. He is such a sweet boy that melts my heart, (as long as he's not hurting his sister!) It's so great seeing them play together and interact and they just love each other so much.

As for the big news, we found out that we are expecting another little blessing in September!! We are still a bit in shock but are cautiously optimistic. I am 11 weeks and we've been hoping for a very boring pregnancy. Unfortunately, last week I started bleeding and it's deja vu all over again. I went in for an ultrasound and baby looks great but I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hematoma, just like last time. I seriously could not believe it. The good news is, it is very very small compared to last time. At this time with Eden, it was 10cmx8cm and this time it is only 3cmx.5cm. After a few bleeds, I am resting even though my OB (a new one) told me I do not need bedrest. I'm hoping after a week of relaxing I can resume normal activity and not need bedrest. I have an ultrasound in another week so I pray it will have shrunk or disappeared by then!

1 year!

I really can't believe that our sweet Eden Grace is already a year old. It's amazing how time flies. I am still in awe that our little girl was born 100% healthy and we got to take her home. Things could have gone so differently and I truly know it's a miracle that she got to come home with us at all.

She is such a little snuggler, which I love! She loves her big brother and tries to play with him all the time. They are so cute together and already fight with each other. She is quite the vocal one as well. She makes it known when she doesn't like something and yells very loudly. She already says a ton of words and is definitely more advanced than Ben was at this age. She says mama, dada, Ben (sounds like Ba) no, up, bye and more. She walks across a room but definitely prefers to crawl so far.

Life is just busy and crazy but fun! We are actually just finishing up a few things to stay certified for foster care and have been praying about accepting placements again towards the end of this year. It definitely scares me to even think about going from 2 to 3 but I guess we'll see what happens!

Summertime

I have been so bad about being on here and I seriously can't believe that our little Eden is going to be a year old in a few months. So insane! Life is grand, we are blessed, and I have to pinch myself to make sure it's all real. The kids are getting so big and watching them grow is awesome. There really isn't anything new or exciting, just living life. :)

 Side by side of the kids at 5 months

 Family trip to the ocean

 8 months

 Baby kisses

Sibling love

4 months

So I've been horrible at updates, but what can I say? I'm a little busy. :) Eden is doing fantastic and still growing so well. She's almost 5 months now and at her 4 month appointment she was 15lbs. and 25". She is so strong too and has been sitting up for a few weeks. She topples over after a little bit but she beat her brother on this milestone because he was 5 months before he sat up! She is such a happy baby and is always smiling and laughing. Benjamin gets her to laugh the loudest and she just loves her brother! We had a rough period from a little after 6-12 weeks where she was colicky but thank the Lord that went away. I thought I was going to lose my mind. She would cry every evening for a few hours and nothing would help. She still isn't a great sleeper and is up every 3-4 hours...sometimes every 2 still. Sooo, I'm a bit of a zombie but have adjusted and am handling it much better than I did with Benjamin. Still hoping that one day she just starts sleeping through the night! :)

Benjamin is the best big brother and just loves Eden so much. Every morning and after every nap all he wants to do is see her and always tells her he misses her and loves her. He turned 3 in December and I can't believe how much of a big boy he is. Time really does fly by! I'm adjusting to life with 2 kids and it's really quite fun. I feel so blessed to be able to stay at home and raise these two little munchkins!

2 months

Benjamin is 3!

Merry Christmas

4 months

Growing like a weed...

Well, it has been busy around here! I'm finally getting into a routine with our new family of four. Eden is doing so great and is gaining weight like crazy. At her 2 week appointment, she had already gained 2 pounds and her doctor was amazed! She was last weighed at about 6 weeks or so and she was 11 lbs! She is definitely a little chunky monkey and has a ton of rolls. Now that she has filled out she is really starting to resemble Benjamin. She's a super sweet little baby and only cries when she's hungry. She's still waking up every 2-3 hours to eat so I'm pretty tired but I think I'm finally getting used to it. Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll start sleeping through the night before a year old like Benjamin did!

Benjamin is getting much better with his sister and showers her with about 100 kisses a day. He's really cute with her (most of the time) and the other day he went up to her and whispered to her "I love you Eden Grace". It was the most adorable thing ever. :) He still has his moments where he is too rough with her but it's much better than it was the first few weeks. I think he realizes that she's not going anywhere.

Except for the sleep deprivation, I feel really great. Breastfeeding has gone fantastic this time around, even with her being a preemie, which is so amazing. It was so hard with Benjamin so I'm glad we didn't have to deal with any issues. My recovery actually seemed better too and after a week or two I didn't even feel like I just had a baby.  Just feeling so blessed with all that God has given me!

Her first smile

My favorite picture of Benjamin snuggling with his sister

Sleeping beauty

She's here!

Well, a lot has happened since I last posted! I had my 34 week appointment and everything looked great. My OB was really excited that we got to 34 weeks and baby was measuring 4lb 11oz, right on track. A week later on Saturday, I was exactly 35 weeks and my sweet friend threw me a prayer brunch and a bunch of my friends came from church and prayed over me and the baby and it was a really great day. Someone made a joke about it being labor day weekend and to not go into labor. :) So that night we got ready for bed and I laid down in bed for the night and felt a gush, and then another...and then another. My water broke and I'm blaming it on the full moon we had the night before! ;)

So we threw a bunch more clothes into my hospital bag and we headed out to the hospital. I wasn't having contractions but Benjamin was born 4 hours after my water broke so I wanted to get moving as soon as possible. They confirmed that my water broke and said visually my cervix looked closed and they admitted me. The OB on call wanted to induce me right away but I put them off for over 24 hours. During that time, not much was happening at all. I would have random contractions every 10-15 minutes but they weren't strong. We agreed that they would induce me after 24 hours because it was safer to get the baby out than wait it out since I didn't appear to be in labor. I decided to try the breast pump as a last bit effort because all of the power walking and squats did nothing. The pump put things into high gear and I immediately starting getting contractions that were painful every 3 minutes. My nurse then freaked out (but was still calm) and explained to me that I did way too much and now I was in overdrive and the babies heart rate was deceling because it was too much too soon and if that continued to happen they would do a C-section. So now they agreed not to induce me because we would see what my body was going to do. Over the next 9 hours, my contractions were totally sporadic but painful and the decels mostly went away. After 9 hours they decided to check me finally and to everyone's surprise, I was 7cm! I hadn't slept since Friday night at this point so I was completely exhausted and so ready to be done. The OB really wanted to start me on pitocin since it was now 33 hours since my water broke and things were pretty slow going. I finally agreed because I was just tired! They started me on a very low dose and things definitely picked up and because a little more painful and way more consistent. Now I decided to get the epidural. I'm not sure happy about this decision but I was just too exhausted to keep going. The crazy thing is, pain wise, if Benjamin's labor pains were a 10 (and they were!), this was probably more of a 7. It was all mental, I just couldn't do it anymore with no sleep. So I got the epi and was able to rest for just a bit. Two hours later it was time to push and they turned it off (but it was still totally in my system). I pushed twice during a contraction and her head was right there. We waited for the next contraction...and waited and it seriously wouldn't come. Talk about a strange labor. So they just had me push without one. Another two pushes and her head was right there so my OB had me stop to stretch everything and a few tiny pushes later and baby slid right now. I still tore just a tiny bit in the same spot as last time. She did have her cord around her neck, which is why they said her heart kept deceling. They held the baby out to Rob and he said "It's a girl!" She came out screaming at the top of her lungs, which was so great because at 35 weeks you just never know how the lungs will be. They told me there was a 50/50 chance of her going to the NICU but her lungs were great and she got a 9 APGAR score so they let her stay on my chest for an hour! :) I was so happy about this and she also started rooting and latched on within minutes of birth. The doctors were amazed and said she was doing fantastic for being so early. She weighed 5lb 6oz and was 19 3/4". So she is tiny and super long! We are in the hospital for 48 hours for observation and she is passing all of the tests (no jaundice, no infection, & normal blood sugar) so it looks like we are headed home tomorrow. We are so so excited that she is so healthy for being early and are so blessed to have a little girl. Her name is Eden Grace. :)

God has blessed us with this little miracle from the very beginning and we can't wait to see what is in store for our little girl. She must be one special little lady.

My last belly pic-35 weeks

Ben holding his "baby seester" Eden

32 Weeks

I've been such a bad blogger lately but things have been super busy! We just got back from a week long family camp with our church that was 8 hours away, and then we visited family after that. I am so exhausted but we had such a great time!

Right before I left I had an appointment and was 31 weeks. Baby looked fantastic, cervix looked fantastic and I am still so thankful. My OB was very excited that I was finally past 30 weeks and said it was a miracle. :) Baby was measuring 3lb 11oz...and we still didn't find out who this little one is. It has been so hard not finding out if it's a boy or girl at each appointment but as it gets closer the anticipation is building and I'm getting really excited. I can't believe this baby could actually be here in 6 weeks if it's born around 38 weeks like Benjamin was. That blows my mind a little bit. And I'm SO not ready! I've got a million things to do...and we're in the middle of buying a house. Eeeek! All good problems to have though. I started getting the sciatic nerve pain and numbness down my left leg this week, which I definitely remember from last time too. Not fun at all but if that and some Braxton Hicks contractions are all I have to deal with, I'll take it. :)

I really really don't like this picture of me but haven't taken a belly pic in months so it will have to do.

On another note, we started potty training Benjamin this week. Prayers would be really really appreciated!!!

We made it!

I can't believe it but here we are at 28 weeks, our second milestone! We had our appointment on Friday and things couldn't have looked better. The SCH is still nowhere to be found and my cervix was measuring over 5cm! Seriously, this is unbelievable. I truly believe that God has worked a miracle in this pregnancy. To think that at 11 weeks I was told the worst and I had so many problems that the baby may not make it. One by one, each "issue" has resolved and at 28 weeks, I have a completely healthy baby, placenta, and cervix. And after 17 weeks of modified bed rest, I have officially been released from the couch with instructions to "take it easy". I can certainly do that! :)

I am so so thankful to still be pregnant. And the best part is, I don't have a cerclage, so I technically have a "normal" pregnancy. I do still have a higher risk than the average woman of having my water break, but there is nothing I can do to prevent it so I'm not even going to think about it. And baby, who is still a surprise, is measuring about 2 1/2 pounds. This baby is also super active (but not quite as much as Benjamin) and sleep hasn't been the easiest. I definitely feel pregnant and am starting to get slightly uncomfortable, but honestly, I still feel great! I don't even care that it's 100 degrees and I can barely breath. :) If this baby follows in Benjamin's footsteps and comes around 38 weeks, we'll be meeting our little miracle in 10 weeks! I just can't believe it and I know it's going to fly by. I feel like I have so much to do and I'm so excited that I can actually get up and do it. Yay!!

O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me. Psalm 30:2

To celebrate my newfound mobility, we went on a little last minute trip to South Lake and had such an amazing time as a family. I've never seen Benjamin so happy! All he wanted to do was talk about climbing the "big mountains", play at the lake or swim with his daddy. It was so fun and refreshing!

 

24 weeks

I made it to our first milestone of 24 weeks and things are looking fantastic! The news just keeps getting better and better. :) I had an appointment this week and my cervix was 4.8cm, which is really really great. It's amazing that it is so long and strong at this point, without a cerclage. The baby is still measuring big and is about 1 lb 6 oz. The best news was that there is NO sign of the SCH! It certainly could be hiding but after about 5 minutes of looking and looking, it was nowhere to be found. I am off all restrictions at 28 weeks since things continue to look so great and I am counting down the weeks. I had been getting a lot of Braxton Hicks over the last few weeks and those have decreased a lot. I still get them, but not nearly as many. I can't believe I may get to have a "normal" pregnancy, even if it's only for a few months. I can't wait to actually be able to go and do things and play with Benjamin.

I will say that I need to start watching what I eat. With Benjamin, I gained a total of 27 lbs (not 25 like I had thought) and as of today, I am already up 22 lbs! I seriously can't believe it. I am scared that I'm going to blow up like a balloon, so I better take it easy on the sweets and start eating a little bit better!

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

22 weeks

Almost 22 weeks now and only 2 more to go until goal #1! I had a great appointment on Monday and everything looks wonderful. My SCH is barely still there but my doctor officially said it is no longer a concern. He did say that I have an increased risk or Pprom (preterm premature rupture of membranes) for the rest of my pregnancy, but I already knew that. He also said it's not something to worry about though because it will either happen or it won't and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. My cervix also looked great, once again. It was over 5cm and with pressure it was in the high 4's. This is really crazy to me. When you have incompetent cervix, it doesn't just go away. In fact, your cervix can actually get weaker after each pregnancy. If I get through this pregnancy with no cervical concerns, I will never need a cerclage again and I will officially be healed. Hallelujah!

Baby is still measuring big and at just a few days over 21 weeks was already measuring 1lb 2oz, which is definitely on the large size. I think we're making another big baby! We are still not finding out the sex but I definitely have a feeling. A week or so ago I had a dream that I delivered a healthy, full term little girl. :) This is definitely starting to feel more real and I'm feeling just a tad excited. I made a rule of no purchases until 28 weeks though, so I can't wait for that. My most exciting news is that, as long as nothing changes, I am off ALL restrictions at 28 weeks! No bedrest, no pelvic rest...woo hoo! Of course I will absolutely be taking it easy and probably won't really exercise but I am SO looking forward to being a normal pregnant woman!

I have been looking back at what I wrote when pregnant with Benjamin and am so glad I talked about all of my symptoms. I've been having braxton hicks already for weeks and remembering that it was normal for me is helping. The baby has also been kicking like crazy for weeks now, which I love. This little one apparently has normal sleep cycles and is lazy in the morning/afternoon and more active in the evening, unlike Benjmain, who moved and kicked me nonstop! Another thing that is so different this time is my weight gain. I know I am starting a lot lighter than I did last time but I have gained an insane amount already! I only gained around 25 or so last time and I am already up almost 20 lbs. Eeek!