Monday, June 22, 2009
Some Kind of Honeymoon
They (whoever ‘they’ are) always say that the 2nd trimester is the honeymoon trimester. It’s supposed to be the time when you start feeling better, you get your energy back and you start to glow. You start to get that cute little baby bump and this trimester is the safest, with the fewest complications. Once you’re out of the 1st trimester, it’s smooth sailing from here, since your chance of miscarriage now is practically nothing. Oh how I wish that was all so true! Why does this have to be my nightmare trimester…the time when all of my babies have died? I should be relaxing now but this is when I tense up. This is when the anxiety kicks in and I start to freak out. I worry that I will go into preterm labor, that my cervix will dilate too soon, my baby is going to kick through my cervix, that I will have a placental abruption, that it’s heart will just stop beating for no reason….I could go on and on, but those are all just the things that have already happened. There are so many other horrible things that could still happen. I mean, I’ve never had a baby that has a disease or disorder that is ‘incompatible with life’. I’ve never had a baby die of a cord accident or a blood clot. Shoot, I’ve never even had a miscarriage! I know I’m supposed to be thinking positive, right? But it didn’t work for me last time, so what makes me think it will do anything this time? People keep asking if I’m excited when they find out I’m pregnant. Really? I actually just want to ask them if they would be excited if they were pregnant after their last three babies died. Probably not. So to answer that question…nope, I’m not excited…not even a little. I’m anxious, apprehensive, doubtful, and scared. Well that sure was a downer post, wasn’t it?