Another in Heaven

I've been dreading writing this post. Shortly after my last post, we found out the baby died. The SCH was responsible and it is amazing to me that Eden made it and this baby didn't, even though it was so tiny this time. I bled again and went in for an ultrasound and the SCH was literally taking up my entire uterus. It was massive. It basically smashed the baby. I had to wait for weeks and finally miscarried at 13 weeks, with the baby having passed at 11.5 weeks. My OB actually made me go naturally and is was very traumatic. I won't give details but it was similar to labor and delivery, but not as intense, but still very painful. I passed clots larger than I thought possible. After hours of non-stop bleeding and clots, I started to black out and Rob had to call 911. During the ambulance ride my BP dropped even lower than it was and I could tell the EMT knew it was more severe than she thought and I heard her go tell the driver to upgrade me and get us there as fast as possible. The ER had blood waiting for me and we thought for sure that I would need a transfusion but I am so thankful that I didn't end up getting one. The ER experience was also horrible and the only bright spot was a sweet Christian nurse who told me she was praying for me. The recovery also has been slow and 7 weeks later, I am still spotting. I've been weak from low iron but mostly feel normal, but it does come and go. I would have been 20 weeks on Mother's Day. :(

We are also still doing foster care and are currently finishing up our home study for adoption. About a month ago we had a little 10 month old girl that was only temporary but we were asked if we would be willing to have her placed with us. We totally fell in love with her and she fit in our family so well. Then she wasn't placed with us as we thought she would be and we were heartbroken and she left after 2 weeks, so we were sad all over again. The foster care system can be so complicated sometimes.

So here we are, grieving, but so thankful for our little miracles. Sometimes I wonder how these kids even made it. Just praying for what the future of our family might look like and trusting that the Lord has it all worked out.