I've also come to the realization this week that I need to start looking into daycare options. The thought makes me sick to my stomach. I know some people choose to go back to work and are happy with that decision, but I feel like it is not a choice for me. Maybe a few years ago it would have been fine for me to continue working and I may not have minded as much, but everything is different now. I can't even bear the thought of having to leave him with a stranger and thinking about it makes me depressed. I do work from home, which is great, so I was hoping for some type of nanny in the home, but after further research it seems to be financially unattainable at the moment. For those that don't already know, I also plan to selectively vaccinate and cloth diaper, which may be really tricky with certain daycare options. I know those two subjects warrant a post on it's own and I'm very passionate about both so I'm sure that will come later. :) Anyway, I'm just really starting to face reality this week and it has put me in a not so happy place. I am the only source of income for our family so I feel a lot of pressure with that. I wanted my husband to be able to follow his dream of owning a business, so that is why we are in this situation. We're in our second year with the business and have never paid ourselves a penny because we're still trying to build it up. I hate to complain and don't want to sound selfish, because I feel very blessed and lucky to be where we are, it's just a lot of pressure. All I can do is give it all to God and continue to pray about it. I guess stressing doesn't help anything! Sorry for the rant...
Monday, November 23, 2009
35 weeks
Not too much news to report at 35 weeks. I've been having Non-Stress Tests (NSTs) twice a week and they've all been going great. He's passing with flying colors each time. As of today I'm measuring 37 weeks and I've gained 24 pounds! I'm finally packing it on...but hopefully not too much. :) So I finally got the cerclage removal scheduled and it's not until Saturday, December 5th! I'll be exactly 37 weeks that day. I was really hoping for earlier in the week, but his schedule was full. He was thinking we would go to the hospital to have it done so he picked Saturday. Normally he just removes it in the office, but since mine was placed so high, which is good, and it's still way up there, he said he'll need some instruments at the hospital. He also mentioned that he won't be using any anesthesia and it might be uncomfortable to remove due to the placement. Oh joy...can't wait for that. I've had some spotting on and off for about a week now but my cervix is still closed and I'm not dilated at all, so he's not worried. All I can do is plug along and wait for this little guy to come.
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Your story is so incredible! You are about to have yourself a full term baby. :) I plan on cloth diapering and do an alternative vax schedule as well. Good luck with the childcare/nanny search. I'm sure that's stressful.
ReplyDelete**hoping my doc can place my cerclage nice and high, as well. my consult is tomorrow. I'm very excited about it, actually.
Oh Jen, that is so tough...I'll be praying for sure. You never know, God can bring something out of nowhere & I'll be praying for that. I wish I could move up there and help you... :) Love the maternity pics, they are so beautiful! Love you guys and can't wait to see you soon!!
ReplyDeleteI've been checking in on your blog off and on for quite a while now and am so happy you are so far along! I know what that's like...we lost our second child due to IC at 22 weeks in 2007. Following that we had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, identical twins. We are blessed to have our rainbow baby born 9 months ago this week after a long pregnancy including a cerclage.
ReplyDeleteI too had my cerclage removed without anesthesia at the hospital and it was not fun at all. My doctor said it shouldn't be painful, but he did such a good job placing it in there, it didn't want to come out and was much more than 'uncomfortable'. When he told the nurse he needed more hands and a light, I knew it was going to be more than 'uncomfortable'. Seriously, he said that. All in all, it came out and a few hours later, so did my little guy.
I'll be praying for you these next few weeks. Try to focus on the positives and know that things have a way of working themselves out.
Nicole
Ask any friends that have the same ideas as you if they know of someone who does daycare. My husband babysitter not only let the parents do cloth diapers as long as they provided a pail and she did not have to rinse them out. She would work the feeding times so that moms could come on lunch hour to nurse.She did day care until 6 years ago. You just have look until you find someone who meets what you want.
ReplyDeleteI've followed your blog regularly, since you were on the Babycenter twins March 09 due date board. I am so happy that you have made it this far, and I know you will be a good Mommy to your son no matter what, but I just have to say I was really shocked and disappointed to hear that after all you have been through to have a baby you are looking to put him in full time daycare. I hope that you do whatever you can to stay home with him for the first two or three years. I understand your income situation..is there a family member who could be a nanny for you? At least part-time? Will your employer be flexible to let you work after 8pm or during naptimes, or part time, or on an opposite schedule from your husband? Can your husband take time off from the business? Can you find a different job that will allow you more flexibility?? Consider these things now, because after you hold your baby and spend time with him you will not want to leave him with anyone else.
ReplyDeleteTo put your infant in daycare, .. they don't love your baby. To them, your baby is a little bag of money. They keep your baby alive while you work, because you pay them. Your son will see his daycare provider more waking hours than he will see you. He will not have the security that he needs so much in those first months of life. If you have to work, a family member would provide a lot more love than a daycare would.
It is nice of you to support your husband's dream of owning a business, but isn't your dream of having a baby more important? Shouldn't parenthood change your priorities and your husband's as well? I really don't mean to add guilt to your situation, I mean to encourage you. You can make it work, if you are determined you can do whatever you want. Sacrifice somewhere else. Borrow or save, whatever you can do. If you are so determined to have a baby you should be equally determined to give the baby what it needs, its first three years at home with his Mommy, where he belongs. I hope that when you actually spend time with your baby that you realize how important it is. I know you will. I was considering daycare myself until I held my daughter.
When I first got pregnant I saved and saved because I knew I would be taking unpaid time off..we live in a house that is older than I am (36) and drive 10 year old cars.
I have a 3-yr-old and 9-month-old twins and I work 20 hours a week from home, I work at naptimes (2 hours a day) and after 8pm. I use disposable diapers and vaccinate as-needed..what's more important to me is the time I spend with my kids. I think you will find that most important to you too.
Check out daycaresdontcare.org. It talks more about the lack of continuity and lack of emotional bonding during his most vulnerable developmental period, and how long 8 hours really is from an infant's point of view.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your post but I am not sure how you thought it would be encouraging to me. All you have done is made me feel more guilty for something I already feel guilty for. I think it's pretty clear in my post how important it is to me to be able to stay at home with my son and how hard this is already just thinking about it. This is not something I'm happy about doing. I am exploring every possible option under the sun right now, including working part time. We are not huge spenders. We rent, drive an older car that is paid off, I use coupons etc. We also have thousands of dollars in medical bills and I will be more than happy to file bankruptcy to get rid of it if it will help me stay at home, if that is an option. Just so you are aware for the future, judging other people's parenting decisions is NOT encouraging. Thank you for making me cry on Thanksgiving.
Jenell
Dear Jenny,
ReplyDeletePlease don't let other's opinions based on their own choices allow you to feel guilty. I have every confidence you will find what is going to work best for you. You have time to continue to research your options, so take a breath and enjoy this time.
Tana's mom
I'm sorry Jenell. I didn't mean to make you feel worse, it's just something I feel really strongly about, but I know we all make different decisions on how to do things and it's not my place to judge you. I promise I will not post anymore unless it's something nice, so feel free to discuss what you want on your blog without fear of judgment. Whatever you decide to do, I am very happy that you have made it this far and wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteJen - first let me say that you know me, and what I really want to say. But out of respect for your lovely blog, and your girls, and this little guy on the way, I'm going to hold back.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I know how you feel about daycare - and essentially, we feel the same about most everything. But, please know there are people out there who do daycare and love the children and see them as more than a little "bag of money". Yes, there are less than ideal situations out there, but there are also good ones. I know you can find something that can work for you.
Family first - and that includes more than this precious baby on the way. Children need their parents to have a strong, healthy marriage, and that includes encouraging each other and supporting each other in their dreams. Do not feel guilty about the business. It is young, but successful. It's not like you're supporting a dream that has no focus, drive, or chance of providing for your family. I am so proud of you, and every choice you've made to get you to where you are today.
I am truly sorry that you are having to look into the options you were hoping to avoid. I am also sorry that "anonymous" seemed to miss how painful this decision is for you, and rather than offer positive suggestions, chose to add to the weight of the guilt you are already carrying.
Many people I've talked to have already said how incredibly blessed your baby is going to be. He has parents who are so grateful for him, and will never take advantage of the gift that he truly is. And that is aside from your general awesomeness :) No matter what decision you have to make, he is already the luckiest little guy. You will give the best life - never doubt that!
Our single daughter, who has an auto immune disease always wanted children but never found a man she wanted to commit to. So she became a foster parent and full time manager in a retail business. She adopted a son who was placed with her at 6 mo of age. He is at day care and with babysitters a lot of time but is VERY attached to her, very loving, independent and very well socialized ... now age 2. She is extremely well organized and sees to it he gets everything he needs. There are day care services out there who will give your child tender loving care. A child KNOWS you love and cherish them. Nothing in life is ever perfect but with the love and support you and Rob have for each other your child will thrive. I can see you have strong faith in God ... He will pull you through. He has done so with our family!! Hang in there and realize the hormones are raging :-}
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'm glad everything is looking good with your son!
ReplyDeleteSecond, just want to say that my mom was a licensed home day care provider while I was growing up and I know we all loved the kids she had in her care (she had a few from the time they were 6 weeks old until well through elementary school). And an added bonus was that she was far less expensive than regular daycare and she also cloth-diapered. So don't give up hope! You will find just the person you need who does their job because they love it and children - not just for the money.
Jenell
ReplyDeleteOh the journey you have been through to get to the point of worrying about daycare. Isn't it great to have something new to worry about? It will be fine. You will find a great daycare or person to look after your son while you must be away from him and it will make your time together that much more precious. There ARE daycare workers/providers that very much LOVE the children they are caring for. I have encountered some that have cared for my children better than I could some days. Most daycares make little to NO money-so they ain't in it for that. Just do your research, ask the hard questions, and trust your gut. I don't know how the selective vaxing will work out since so much of that is regulated by state laws, but the diaper thing should be easy. I just told my daycare that he was sensitive to disposibles and couldn't wear them. I also went armed with a copy of the regulation that allowed for the use of cloth diapers in daycare. Not sure what it would be in Cali, but I found it on the website of the agency that regulates daycares here. Make it easy for them and they should have no problem with it.
You are a fabulous mama. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for the choices you have to make. We add enough guilt to ourselves.
Shannon (Alex's mom-BBC March '09)
Jenny, you and Rob are going to be the best parents and any decision you make is in the best interests of your family. You certainly do not need to justify your decisions to anyone other than each other. I am so sorry for the negative posting above by someone that so clearly does not know you. But for those of us that do know you, know that you all are so loved, and we can't wait to see Baby Cline, not too much longer now!!! Can't wait until December 5th's blog!!! Stay positive, happy and healthy, love you bunches!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Jenny! I have followed your blog for over a year now I am a BBC member. I am so happy to see how awesome you and your little one are doing! I send positive thoughts and happy prayers to you all the time!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to add that I am a mommy to a 9 month old little boy. I am also a nurse. I have to use daycare and my little man loves me to the moon and back. You can make anything work that is best for your family!
Good Luck!
Hi Jenell,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog for a long time now. I pray for you every chance I get. Don't let some stranger make you cry. NOBODY has a right to preach to someone. Many, many woman put their babies in day care, not because they want to but because they have to. My mother worked in day care for 30+ years, and she loved and cared for the babies as if they were her own. If you look around, you will find the right place for your baby. Actually, babies in day care centers actually develop faster and learn socializing skills. They are also much more prepared for school. It sounds to me that you have a pretty flexible schedule at work, so your baby will not be in day care all of the time. I think that you will be an amazing Mom. You have been through so much and from what I can tell, you are an extremely strong person. Don't let opinionated people make you cry. How uncaring on their part. Just think of the positive. Before long, you will have a beautiful baby boy. I cannot wait to open up your blog one of these days and find out the good news. As I mentioned, you are in my prayers. Barb
Wow, so I hardly read the comments, but for some reason I just decided to read the ones here. My goodness. Unfortunately, you just got a big "welcome" to the UGLY side of moms "encouraging" other moms. Let me just say, this judgemental thinking leaks into EVERY single aspect of motherhood. With this being the most important, as well as the most vulnerable, role we will ever play in our lives, brings the onslaught of opinions on breastfeeding vs. bottle, disposable vs. cloth, to vaccinate or not to, working moms vs. stay at home moms, natural birth vs. drugs, and as I most recently experienced myself, homeschooling vs. public/private school. And the list goes on. Pretty much everyone has an opinion on everything, and in hopes of doing it the "right way" they impose those opinions on everyone else. The only problem is...we're not all the same!!! We are all different as people...different personalities, different jobs, different places, ages, etc. Therefore our families and the way we do things will ultimately be DIFFERENT. But instead of embracing the differences and learning from each other, as well as truly encouraging one another, we tend to beat our beliefs and opinions over everyone's head & completely judge each other simply because it's different from what we do with our family. Everyone wants to do the best and the right thing. And if someone does it different then that means that maybe I'm not doing it right. It's just so silly. You & Rob are & are going to be fabulous parents. Of course this isn't an easy decision for you. A majority of moms who have to work would much rather be home with their kids. But that's just not everyone's reality. So don't feel guilty Jen. Both of Cisco's parents had to work full time their entire childhood. And they have one of the sweetest most loving families I have ever seen. They raised 3 amazing boys in the middle of the ghetto, surrounded by drug dealers (no joke) and not one of them ever even so much as tried drugs. Not one. And they think their parents are the greatest things since sliced bread, which they are! So yeah, all those blanket statements that miss anonymous had, drowning her "encouraging" comment, that's all they are. You are gonna love your son to the moon and back and he's going to know it. There's no one like mom to a boy. And he's going to know and love you more than anyone on this planet... Whether you happen to be there for every poopy diaper or not.
ReplyDelete